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Captain Cranium, the host of the Inspirational Christian Kids Video, Cranium's Ark

5 Things I wish I could Always Remember as a Parent

by David “Captain Cranium” Hames

On the Ark, I have the benefit of talking animals and a bible that shows up whenever I’m in need of God’s Word. Plus, I have a script that I’ve agonized over well in advance of shooting a scene so I know exactly what to say. But when the costume comes off, I’m the “Daddy” part of our parenting team, tasked with fathering two amazing boys (5 and 2) that are learning how to become young men, whether I’m Super Dad or the grumpy guy on the sofa. Off the set (or up from the basement, as the case may be) I’m a parent, just like every other parent, and I’m faced with a world of opportunities and challenges. And even though the Captain is usually ready with the right answer, I don’t always have the best one the instant it’s required. Which leads to thing number 1.

1.It’s okay if I don’t always have the answer. Sure, it feels great when my son exclaims, “Wow, you know EVERYTHING!” but I have friends with teenagers, so I know that my ability leap tall buildings and move objects with my mind will fade away once my little ones are in their double digits. So, I’m hoping a little humility now will set the stage to pay dividends down the road. And I’ve found there are plenty of teaching opportunities when I invite my kids into the process of finding the answer.
2.It’s okay to apologize. Sometimes, I blow it, I’m but a man, but God isn’t the only one I need to ask for forgiveness. Asking my five-year-old for forgiveness feels awkward, I admit, but if I’ve blown it, then I need to say I’m sorry and ask to be forgiven. The experience is humbling, but it models to my children how we are all called to live. And if I had to put a number to it, based on the things my kids say and do, my children probably learn 75% of how to act through how my wife and I ACT, a lot more than HOW we tell them to act.
3.We are not alone. My child isn’t the only one who “acts like that.” I have often wondered, “how many times am I going to have to tell Aidan to be nice to his brother?” And in those moments I get a sense of God saying, “welcome to My world, David... welcome to My world.” And that’s when I learn a little more about grace and patience.
4.Consistent Boundaries. It took a long time for my wife and I to become parents, so that gave us some extra time to observe other parents in action. One of the biggest things that sticks with me is that the parents that were the most consistent with their kids, had the best kids. (not perfect little robot kids, but simply good kids--Mom and Dad could say do this or don’t do that, and it happened without too much fuss.) A simple example is NO means NO. It doesn't mean maybe or ask me 4 more times. I understand the temptation to give in to a tantrum, especially if we're out somewhere, and everyone's looking, and my wife and I are wondering if our ranking in the "worst parents on the planet" scale just went up. But I've learned that giving in after a 20 minute tantrum only teaches my child that the tantrum must last for a minimum of 20 minutes if he is to achieve results. When my children want something, they are going to do all they can to get it. And, thanks to the amazing brains God has blessed them with, they quickly remember what works and what doesn't. If tantrums yield little fruit, they won't last long, but if they do, then all I'm doing is establishing the expected procedure. It's just like saying "please." If my kids don't say please, they don't get it. So my kids are very fast to remember to ask with a "please." Well, a tantrum is the same thing if it produces results--it's just louder and usually takes a lot longer.

Consistency also goes for crawlers. The world is not child-proofed. The stereo and television are within reach, but they are “off limits.” (My wife and I chose “off limits” because we didn’t want our kids’ first words to be “no.”) But by being consistent with what is "off limits" and providing consequences--taking the thing away, or moving him, or some kind of age-appropriate disciplinary action, my boys learned pretty well what "off limits" meant. But a child who lives in a completely "child-proofed" house, where everything he can get his hands on is fair game, is going to find trouble anywhere else--which means it's impossible to visit anyone--unless they happen to live in a padded room, without furniture. And yet, despite our consistent efforts, there are STILL finger prints on our television... grace & patience... grace & patience... grace & patience...
5.Don’t stay angry. This one should probably be in the number one slot, at least for me. There are times I catch myself holding a grudge against one of my boys an hour or so after the issue has been solved--punishment administered, forgiveness asked, etc. It’s silly of me really. To my son, the issue was a hundred years ago, but sometimes I can’t let it go, I want the punishment to continue, I want to say we can’t do something that day because of his earlier bad behavior--and this kind of thinking bares little fruit. In fact, it usually produces more bad behavior. It’s like my son figures, “I can’t be in any MORE trouble, so I’m going to do whatever I please.”

Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, yet it’s been one of the most joyful experiences I’ve ever known. And it’s shown me so much about how God loves me. My love for my wife and my love for my kids have two different flavors. I think the difference is my love for my kids is more selfless--which is how God loves us. He loves us no matter what and forgives us the moment we ask for forgiveness. It’s like what I say to my sons after they’ve been punished, I tell them I love them no matter what. I love them when they are good and I love them when they are bad, and that there’s nothing they can do to change that--”I will always love you,” I say. And the comfort I see in their eyes tells me that’s just what they needed to hear. And that's something I don't ever want to forget. •DH

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